Sunday, September 23, 2012

Lorraine - who always makes my heart sing


I wanted to share with you my admiration for your thoughtfulness, for your taking time before responding to all sorts of provocation during our writers workshop yesterday.  I seem to blather on.  You, on the hand, seem to think your responses through and then share.  I so appreciate your on-off switch, your dimmer.

I am sitting here being aware that I have no energy to do any of the tasks that await me.  I will go downstairs and hang out the laundry when I finish, but packing is out of the question for the moment, at least.

I am distressed to some extent by the degree of dissatisfaction that Nueva is feeling.  Somehow it is catching.  Not that I am dissatisfied, at least not more than I usually am, but that I am aware of continuing to walk in the midst of her unhappiness.  I think that is why generally T personalities are hard for me.  I catch their negativity in the net of my psyche and little pieces cram into the corners of the mesh.  No matter how hard I scrub, they remain, sometimes festering.  I need to be able to direct a harsh splash of water through to wash away the influence.

You and I do not have such a relationship, at least as far as I can tell.   I never feel hopeless when we talk.  I always have a sense that there is some space in which or through which I can pass within our conversations that will allow me to pursue a more positive outlook.  And for that sense I wish also to thank you.

I just left you a note on yahoo messenger saying I wanted to chat. It is this topic about which I wanted to say something.  Before I leave Oz, hopefully to return in three months, I needed to share with you the degree to which you are a valuable asset in my life.  Thank you for being precisely and exactly who you are when we are together and even when we are far apart and communicating via Internet. You often make my heart sing. 

And a final request.  If something should happen to me in terms of my health or my mind when I am gone from this fantasy land which has become my home, please continue to work on publishing our manuscript.  I love what we have created and do so wish to have the process shared with a more general public.  I am proud of our work, humble too, believe it or not; and want our words to be read by others.  You have my permission to change any aspect of what is written in those pages to suit a publisher should I not be around to do it for my own words.

Take good care.  I shall miss you.  As a matter of fact, I miss you this very moment whilst I write these words.  You are my rainbow.