Friday, January 19, 2007

back to the future..

Remember when the topic was abandonment?

It's back - with a vengeance!

I'm thinking that as we grow older - I mean much older - we dredge up the emotional crisis(es) of our youth. If we have dealt successfully with those early issues in some kind of therapeutic setting, we may not have to revisit them, but just in case we have NOT dealt - well, the results can be stultifying. Or at least that's how it seems to me.

In this blog I attempt to deal with lots of the stuff that drives me to distraction when I finally get the courage to mention the distraction part to those folks who live with me in my world. And today, the awful deep in the stomach overarching sensation was of being abandoned.

Now, please note that I am not abandoned. I had no rational reason to feel abandoned. But a sense of utter lonliness, of being all all alone is how I would describe how I felt. It is the primary issue with which I am having to deal as a senior - the fear of being left behind, of being unloved, of being betrayed.

No one in my real world is treating me in such a manner. I live in an environment with people who are loving, expressive, and supportive. But being left home alone is enough to stir up those old aching emotions from my childhood when I was, indeed, abandoned; when I was farmed out to relatives to live because my parents chose not to keep me at home with them.

And so, I suppose, this blog today is really an entreaty to any of you who read it to make sure that all the children over or with whom you have some responsibility are treated in the most respectful, loving manner so that when they reach 66 they don't have to deal with the unfinished business of childhood.